Dead 7: A Disappointing Clusterfuck

When Syfy and The Asylum announced that ‘90s boy bands The Backstreet Boys, N’Sync, 98 Degrees, and O-town would be joining up for zombie/spaghetti western Dead 7, no one thought that it was going to be good. Not for a second. But we did think it would be entertaining. We gleefully hypothesized about coordinated zombie-killing dance numbers and West Side Story snap battles between N’Sync and The Backstreet Boys. We hoped that the boys would appear from white, over-saturated light with dry ice billowing around them. We wanted someone (probably Howie Dorough or Joey Fatone) to see a zombie and scream like Simon Pegg from Shaun of the Dead. We wanted Nick Carter to croon at a zombie, settling its animal rage. What we wanted, essentially, was a return to the feel-good ‘90s with a film that was reminiscent of Spice World, Home Alone, or the music video for “Everybody (Backstreet’s Back).”

What we got was another low-budget, poorly written Syfy movie that, most damning of all, had nothing to do with the boys. No one quipped song lyrics or titles at each other. No one went by their real names. No one danced or sang. They just pretended that they were all real actors and that the network hadn’t used their fame and fans to boost ratings for a movie that wouldn’t have gotten half as many people to watch it. Continue reading