NaBloPoMo #20: Crippling Debt

Prompt: What do you hope happens by the end of this year?

Recently, I’ve begun to feel a bit desperate. You see, my financial situation is not very good. The Internet is not the best place to get into the minutiae, but suffice it to say that I’m despairing of paying my bills. Over the past year, I’ve acquired several outstanding financial responsibilities that have subtly but unendingly been slipping from my grasp. The current situation is getting dicey, but, hey, what’re your twenties without crippling debt?

I’ve been trying to remedy the situation, budgeting better, applying for part-time jobs, pitching more vigorously, but you can’t squeeze blood out of a stone. The upcoming holidays have added even more pressure, especially since I haven’t had to scrimp on them in years/I take them very seriously.

The issue’s become something of an obsession, in fact, with every action weighed in dollars and cents. Can I afford that? If I buy that, will the fulfillment be greater than the cost? Is there a cheaper option? Is paying this now better than deferring it for two weeks? There’s a system to debt, acrobatic contortions that life without it doesn’t require.

It is difficult to remember that I’m not in the dire straits I think I am. Things will be okay, bills will be paid on time, and small luxuries are possible. But I’ve gotten close enough to the edge that I can see how bad it could be, and that is frightening.

To prevent a premature breakdown, I’ve been keeping my eyes on certain goals and aspirations. More money is the broad one, but better budgeting skills, x amount put into my savings account every two weeks, and the upcoming tax season are all factors. They help keep me calm and capable, reminding me that, even when things suck, there are still small things I can do.

Here’s to a more financially secure new year.

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