Victorian era England saw the advent of some of America’s most beloved Christmas traditions, including decorating the tree, Christmas cards, decorating the home, and giving gifts. And what Christmas traditions will 21st century America be known for? Well, it may be too early to say, but my bet is the so-called “War on Christmas” – which one over-aggressive Christian decided to start early this year.
If you’ve been on the Internet for five minutes this past weekend, you realize that there’s something called #MerryChristmasStarbucks happening. Sounds lovely, right? I mean, what could be wrong with wishing Starbucks a Merry Christmas? Christmas is either a secular holiday full of good cheer and gift giving or it’s a religious holiday celebrating the birth of about one billion people’s savior, and both of those are just fine. And it’s not like any Christian would use the birth of their Lord and Savior to try to harm someone else, right? No…
But, no, #MerryChristmasStarbucks is all about sticking it to the man (Starbucks) and pissing them off by wishing them a happy holiday because (Are you ready for this?) their holiday cup this year is just a plain red cup. HOLY FUCK, GUYS!!!!
It all started when some dude that’s already gotten way, way too much Internet fame went to Starbucks, laid down his $6 for a cup of coffee, and then noticed that this year’s holiday cup didn’t sport the snowmen, reindeer, or snowflakes of previous years. Instead, it was a simple red cup that beautifully complemented the green and white Starbucks logo. Said dude made a quick video demanding that everyone go to Starbucks, buy their coffee, and tell people that their name was “Merry Christmas” so that “Starbucks” would have to wish everyone a Merry Christmas and be super, super pissed about being tricked (because this guy apparently thinks that Starbucks is a sentient creature interconnected through baristas). Then the Internet caught on, the video and hashtag went viral, and Starbucks made an extra $100,000 on people thinking that buying a company’s products would in any way irritate them.
This is honestly the stupidest thing I’ve heard in a while. For one thing, this kind of “protest” only puts money in the hands of the people you don’t like. It helps them and gives them money to keep doing what they’re doing. For another, it’s a completely frivolous protest as Starbucks’ last few holiday cups don’t have traditional Christian images on them. Why weren’t the snowmen and reindeer being protested? I mean, Jesus was born in a dessert and Santa is a false idol. You’d think those would be worse than a red cup. Finally, it’s such a shitty thing to do, and it’s oppressive to everyone else that doesn’t think in your exact same way. There are millions of non-Christians in this country (and in the world, which Starbucks also serves), and they have to endure two months of Christmas music, two months of Christmas decorations, two months of Salvation Army bell ringing, two months (or more) of people talking about their Christmases, and a lifetime of this country rearranging everything around Christmas. If there were a war on Christmas, Christmas would have already won. It’s everywhere. Everyone defers to it. With the exception of Hanukah and Kwanzaa (which aren’t necessarily big deals in their communities anyway), no one even knows about other holidays during the winter season. There’s absolutely no reason to get so up in arms over this “issue,” so please – don’t.
* Photo property of Starbucks